moving

Right now my heart is saying its terrified, mortified and it’s about to jump out of my chest. My emotions are so bipolar and just out of control lately.
I’m moving to Idaho in about 2 weeks now and I don’t think it was supposed to be this hard. In fact when I made the plans it was easy, why how fast things change. Now I’m scared, now I have something I’m scared to leave behind. I don’t want things to grow farther away, I want to be closer, but I know I have to be farther. I know I make no sense, but I just need to write letters to myself to keep my sanity, or at least what I have left. I’m so scared it hurts, my whole body feels it, but I really hope this is right.
Part of me still says it’s wrong, part of me is saying I only did this in the first place to run, even if I was running from my love, now it’s come full circle and I want to run back. Why is this so hard? I keep reminding my self to pray for peace in everything and for us, but I tend to forget. Peace, we brushed shoulders once, where has she gone, peace she was so beautiful, and I.... I was the beast.